We live in a time where it’s become easy to brand yourself as someone who’s “doing the work.”
You post a few carousels about inner child healing, say the right buzzwords like “authenticity” and “alignment,” maybe even cry on camera and suddenly, you’re real. Relatable. A healer. A coach.
But here's what nobody tells you:
Spiritual language is easy to copy. It’s living it that’s hard.
I learned that the hard way.
I met someone a few years ago through a mutual friend. She carried herself like someone who had done the inner work: all the language, the emotional self-awareness, the declarations of healing and empowerment. And I bought it.
We connected fast, and within just 2–3 months, I invited her on an overseas trip with my best friend.
That two-week trip was all it took for the mask to slip.
The self-importance. The attention-seeking. The refusal to compromise. Every little thing became about her; her needs, her triggers, her spotlight.
She wasn’t “playing small.” She was playing victim: loudly, consistently, and without a shred of accountability.
It’s been three years since that trip, and I still remember how obvious it became:
She constantly made things difficult for the people around her, but somehow always framed herself as the misunderstood one.
She said she had spent her life dimming her light, but in reality, she was exhausting everyone in her orbit.
The moment we got back, I ended the friendship.
Because once you see someone for who they really are, there’s no unseeing it.
Behind the scenes and what she posts on her social media? She was obsessed with metrics: the views, the likes, the validation.
Her self-worth rose and fell with every piece of content she put out.
And the most disturbing part?
She wanted to be a coach. To “empower” others who had gone through the same.
Let me be blunt:
Pain alone doesn’t make you qualified to guide others.
Unprocessed trauma isn’t a badge of honour, especially when you're still projecting it onto everyone else.
If you haven’t learned how to sit with your own mess without dragging others into it, you’re not ready to lead. Additionally, real trauma isn’t a Brand. And not everyone who’s hurt should be teaching.
If you constantly make others feel small while preaching “empowerment,” you’re not a guide.. you’re a contradiction.
This space; the self-development, healing, spiritual space - doesn’t need more influencers.
It needs more integrity.
We don’t need more people shouting “I’ve done the work.” We need more people quietly living it.
Especially when no one’s watching. Especially when it’s uncomfortable. Especially when it means admitting: “Maybe I’m the problem too.”
Want to know one of the clearest signs of someone’s real character?
Don’t look at their family.
Family will often tolerate, excuse, or enable because they’re supposed to love you unconditionally.
Look at their friends.
– Do they have people who’ve known them for years, and are still by their side?
– Friends who would take a bullet for them, not because they were guilted into it, but because the relationship was built on mutual care?
– Are there friends who’ve seen them at their worst and their best and still chose to stay?
It says a lot about the kind of person you are if you can’t even keep the people who genuinely want the best for you.
Because sometimes, the biggest red flag isn’t in what someone posts online.
It’s in who’s no longer standing next to them.
Some people aren’t doing the work. They’re just performing it, and in her case? She is monetizing it.
There’s a difference and it shows.
A deeper dive into what actually happened and what I learned.. https://www.crystolightandyou.com/blogs/behind-the-brand/when-empaths-are-actually-emotional-vampires