After I wrote “The Kind of Father That’s Hard to Explain,” someone messaged me.
She told me she appreciated the honesty. That I was willing to say the quiet parts out loud.
And it made her wonder how much of the way she parents is truly intentional… and how much of it is inherited.
When you grow up in a complicated family dynamic, you don’t just walk away from it. You carry invisible blueprints. Some of us overcorrect. Some of us unconsciously repeat what we know. Some of us swear, “I will never be like my parents,” only to realise later that we are reacting to them in almost every decision we make.
That’s where discernment becomes hard.
It’s easy to say, “I want the best for my child.” Every parent does.
But sometimes “the best” is just the path we were forced to take. Or the path we were denied. Or the path that would have validated our own childhood if someone had chosen it for us.
We think we are guiding. But sometimes we are compensating.
We think we are protecting. But sometimes we are controlling.
But we must always remember this: children are not blank canvases. They are not extensions of us. They are not second attempts at our own unfinished stories.
They arrive with temperament. With wiring. With sensitivities that may have nothing to do with our preferences.
Sometimes, The Simplest Answer Is Right In Front Of You
Listen to your child. Observe them. Notice what overwhelms them. What excites them. How they respond to correction? Do they shut down? argue? internalise everything quietly?
When you truly see who they are, the right approach becomes clearer.
There isn’t a one-size-fits-all parenting style. There is only the one that fits the child in front of you. And fitting your child sometimes requires letting go of who you unconsciously needed them to be.
Should You Read Your Child’s Natal Chart?
As an astrologer, I’m often asked whether parents should read their child’s natal chart.
My honest answer is you can, but carefully.
A chart can be a beautiful tool for understanding how your child processes emotions, how they respond to authority, where they feel naturally confident, and where they are more sensitive. It can help you adjust your tone, your expectations, your methods.
But it should never be used to predict whether they will “succeed.” Never to label them as difficult, lazy, dramatic, weak. Never to box them into a personality before they even get to discover themselves.
Astrology should expand compassion, not create control.
If a chart is read, it should be received as insight, and not as a script. And as the child grows older, certain themes can be revealed gradually, in ways that empower them rather than define them. No chart overrides free will. And no parent should mistake potential for destiny.
Maybe the real question isn’t, “What is the best parenting style?” Maybe the question is, “Can I see my child clearly without seeing myself projected onto them?”
That requires humility.
And sometimes it requires sitting down with your partner and asking, are we responding to our child… or are we responding to our past?
And sometimes, it’s simply pausing and listening to the small human right in front of you.
A Necessary Clarification
I’m not a parent. And I’ve made a very conscious decision not to become one. Not because I don’t value children nor because I think parenting isn’t sacred. But because I know myself. I know how much depth I give to the work I do. I know how much emotional and mental space it takes for me to hold clarity for others in the way I believe is responsible. And I chose to preserve that space.
I’ve thought carefully about whether that means I should stay silent on parenting topics. But I don’t think insight only belongs to the person inside the situation. Parenting is lived. It is daily and layered and exhausting. But when you are juggling work, marriage, extended family, your own healing, and a small human who depends on you.. it can be very hard to tell whether you are responding to your child… or reacting to your past.
Distance doesn’t create superiority. It creates perspective and sometimes perspective helps.
I grew up navigating complex parental dynamics. That makes me very sensitive to tone. To control disguised as guidance. To projection disguised as protection. So when someone asks me whether they might be projecting onto their child, I don’t answer from theory. I answer from pattern recognition.
And my position remains simple. Sometimes the simplest answer is right in front of you.