I originally documented this journey in a three-part Instagram post on November 24, 2021. Instead of rewriting it, I’m sharing it here - with some edits.
It's been exactly a year since my Thoracic surgery in Nov 2020. What started out as a simple CT scan, resulted in the detection of a 0.6mm nodule in my upper right lung.
Nobody knew it was lung cancer till I woke up from the surgery with 20% of my right lung removed.
I will never forget the moment when I opened my eyes in ICU. Everything was a blur. Just my surgeon and physician telling me: "You are fine", "Carcinoma in situ", "stage 0".
I was confused & in a lot of agony, I barely dared to breathe because every breath I took was excruciatingly painful. I was terrified & wounded.
The entire ordeal remains etched in my memory. From my time in the ICU, where I was immobilized by excruciating pain, to the constant discomfort, fear, and utter physical helplessness, all I craved was relief from the agony.
Those 36 hours in the ICU were undoubtedly among the most harrowing of my life. Due to Covid-19 visitation restrictions, none of my friends could visit, and there were strict limits on daily visitors.
I distinctly remember the nurses giving me a sponge bath, an incredibly humbling experience. Unable to move from bed, I feared even the slightest motion would trigger more pain. Throughout the night, cries of other patients in pain echoed, adding to the overwhelming atmosphere.
I was bedridden for four days before a physiotherapist assisted me in walking again. Throughout this time, I was heavily reliant on painkillers, with both a catheter and a chest tube inside of me, which added to the surreal nature of my experience.
As my discharge approached, I can still recall the doctor's assistant urging me to take deep breaths before removing the chest tube from my lung. The terror I felt in that moment is hard to put into words. I even turned to the nurse and asked apprehensively if it would be painful - of course it was. Haha.
Long story short, what got me through back then was the love and support from my friends. Every single one of them who helped me in small or big ways, I am forever grateful & indebted.
But the biggest person I want to thank is myself. This time round, I am going to give myself credit, for staying positive, brave & resilient.
Not once did I thought: 'Why me?'
Instead, I felt very blessed to detect & decide to remove this nodule in time. Before it develops into Stage 1 and so on. Honestly, this could have went undetected & by the time I find out in future, it would be too late.
Recovery was long. It took me a full 5 months before I can resume any light sports. I started with some brisk walking, then jogging. Eventually, I could go back to climb again.
I regained all the weight I had worked so hard to lose before the surgery. It was discouraging, but I've learned an important lesson: to take things slower, be patient, and accept that it's okay to stumble and begin anew. <Context> I was once an overweight child and have continually struggled to maintain a healthy weight range all the way through till my late 20s.
Till today, I still experience sharp bouts of pain near my surgical area once in a while. I still use an inhaler daily. I have days where I have tightness in my chest and just cannot inhale enough oxygen into my lungs. I still cannot have pressure applied or get hit/poke anywhere near my surgical area without this sore discomfort.
Why Am I Sharing This? Here Are My Four Reasons:
1. To Remember This Life-Changing Experience: I never want to forget what I went through. This experience was a turning point for me. The universe seemed to align to help me through it all, and everything happened so quickly that I barely had time to fully process and accept it.
2. A Message to Smokers: If you’re a smoker, please stop. I deeply regret being a former smoker, but we often don’t heed advice until we face the consequences ourselves. For non-smokers, remember that secondhand smoke and air pollution are just as dangerous, if not worse. Be mindful of synthetic scents and foods—research "cancer-causing foods" and avoid them as best as you can.
3. Get Regular Health Check-Ups: As you age, more health issues may arise. Don’t avoid check-ups out of fear or denial. If you love your family and friends, you should take care of your health. Ignoring potential issues only brings pain and heartache to those who care about you.
4. Invest in Health Insurance: My pre- and post-surgery medical expenses totaled around $65,000. Thanks to my insurance coverage, I didn’t have to pay a cent out of pocket, as I had been consistently paying my premiums since my early 20s.
When you’re young and healthy, it’s easy to think you don’t need insurance. But when you’re facing health challenges, you’ll wish you had it.
Look up cancer statistics and read about the risks: [Cancer Statistics in Singapore]. With a 1 in 4 chance of getting cancer, consider how you would manage the stress of medical bills and recovery without insurance. It’s a crucial investment for your peace of mind and future security.
Lastly, I Know It’s Cliché, but I Have to Say It: Life Is Really Short
After you turn 21, the years seem to fly by even faster, and they just keep accelerating as you move into your 30s and 40s. Before you know it, you’re 60 and may realize you haven’t accomplished the things you truly wanted to do.
We often get caught up in hustling and adult responsibilities, losing sight of life’s real purpose.
Here’s the truth: nobody cares about you as much as you might think they do. We’re all busy with our own lives and struggles. So don’t base your decisions on what others might think or say. They aren’t living your life—you are.
Make the most of every moment, whether it’s big or small. Each moment is unique and won’t come around again. Blink, and you might miss it.
Put down your phone and be present in your life. Don’t take for granted the beauty of the sky, the crispness of fresh air, or the time with your loved ones.
To wrap up, I want to leave you with two excerpts from one of my favorite books, *The Untethered Soul* by Michael A. Singer:
“The most important thing in life is your inner energy. If you’re always tired and never enthused, then life is no fun. But if you’re always inspired and filled with energy, then every minute of every day is an exciting experience. Learn to work with these things. Through meditation, through awareness and willful efforts, you can learn to keep your centers open. You do this by just relaxing and releasing. You do this by not buying into the concept that there is anything worth closing over. Remember, if you love life, nothing is worth closing over."
"What if you knew that the next person you’d see would be the last person you would ever see? You’d be right there soaking it in, experiencing it. It wouldn’t matter what they were saying; you’d just enjoy hearing the words because it would be the last conversation you’d ever have. What if you brought that kind of awareness to every conversation? That’s what happens when you’re told that death is around the corner: you change, life doesn’t change.”
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